Did you know that the FDA has approved a new anti-obesity drug called Xenical?
Yes! In its relentless efforts to help the morbidly obese escape the dreadful burden of having to get off of the couch and head to the gym the FDA has spent millions researching and finally approving this miracle drug. Now, instead of stepping on a treadmill or bypassing the McDonalds drive-thru in order to shed a few pounds all the morbidly obese have to do is pop one of these Xenical pills before every meal that might contain fat.
Now for the bad news. The first piece of bad news is that the answer to our nation’s obesity problem is not sold over the counter. No! Xenical can only be prescribed by your doctor. The good news though is that if you can persuade your doctor to prescribe Xenical as a weight-loss treatment its cost will be covered by your health insurance.
Fuck the high cost of health care! We are all going to be skinny… just like the people on T.V!!
Now for another piece of bad news. You might have to make a few budgetary changes once on Xenical. The first thing you will have to budget for is a few pairs of dark colored pants and a few hundred bottles of Beano, for you see this lovely new pill has a few unpleasant side effects including but not limited to oily flatulence.
But, we all know that in order to loose weight we all have to make a few sacrifices. Some choose to sacrifice their T.V. time by heading to the gym. Others choose to sacrifice their self respect by sitting on the couch in front of the T.V. stuffing their faces full of fatty foods and Beano. Hey! This is a free country…Plus, I am sure no one around you is really going to notice. Fat is a great muffler of sound.
According toXenical.com one of the other minor and quiet “natural” side effects of this amazing new drug is an increase in urgent, uncontrollable bowl movements.Therefore, the other major expense you’re going to encounter on your weight loss journey is for a few cases of adult diapers a week. Though these diapers can cost you anywhere from $40 to $80 per pack, depending on their quality and quantity, the good news is that these diapers are really very innovative in design which will help you wear them with as much dignity as possible.
In case I’ve succeeded in peaking your interest towards Xenical, this new miracle drug, here is a detailed explanation of how it works:
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27239
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January 17, 2010 at 3:30 PM
Good dispatch and this enter helped me alot in my college assignement. Thank you for your information.
January 17, 2010 at 8:06 PM
You’re welcome
June 7, 2011 at 3:59 PM
I am not sure I agree with your impression of the people who would take this medication. You are assuming that because a person is fat it means they sit around on a couch eating cookies and cheese cake. Obesity it caused by a variety of factors, and the American diet is only one of them. People, such as myself, can be obese due to hormonal imbalances, an inability to be mobile, or the quality of life they have. I walk everyday. I go to the gym when I have a chance, and I am for the most part a vegetarian, so I eat pretty healthy. I also have a kid, and I have a salary job where I work at home on a computer all day. Oh yea and hypothyroidism, and I have a BMI of 46. It isn’t necessary to encourage this stereo-type of “the morbidly obese”. There are people who despite their best efforts have no control over how their body metabolizes or stores calories.